The Child Within!

Tony Fryer, MFT can help heal emotional damages experienced in childhood

Some of the Pop Psychology literature that abounds in our modern world irritates me. One of the terms that is too often bandied around is ‘The Inner Child’ and yet it is my experience that the child within us needs to be seen and healed. The damage done to our development in childhood is very real and often leads to pain in our relationships and marriages. Some book writers will spend forever on the subject and act as though there is some magical cure to deal with this pain. Some other writers will suggest that we need to ignore this pain and move on. I would say it is of great help to look at the pain and try understand its possible impacts on our present life so that we can better move on.

What is the message you got from the eyes of your primary care givers? What did you come to accept as your role in life? Do you often sense there is more to you than others seem to realize? I’m thinking of a client who found it hard to be vulnerable with her husband because her parents constantly attacked her; A woman who finds her sexuality suffocated because she was always expected to be the ‘good girl’; A couple who cannot come to resolution of their differences because they idolized their parents non-conflict relationship; A woman who had an affair because she had always been encouraged to keep her feelings to herself. Where did you learn how to express intimacy? Do you ever blow up or shut down and do you still tend to say the other person ‘made’ you?

It is good for us, in relationship or marriage, if we can start to explain that some of our problems with the other person have a lot to do with our childhood experiences. We will then be more inclined to take responsibility for our emotions and actions. The over-reaction to our partner can then be seen as coming from experiences in our family of origin that accentuate our feelings in the present. Our awareness will not necessarily stop the behavior but will reduce the frequency or intensity of the problematic action. We can learn to better deal with our emotions, rather than letting our emotions take us to places we’d rather not go.

For more information about getting healing from damage done during childhood, please visit

Tony Fryer

About Tony Fryer
I am a Systemic Marriage and Family Therapist/Mediator and a Team Building Consultant. I have my own Private Practice in Cincinnati and am originally from Ireland. See for more information about me and my work.

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